The 5 Worst Candies Your Kids Brought Home Last Night

Sweet & Sour Twizzlers

Terrible. Just terrible.

1. **Dubble Bubble – “Original” Flavor.** In an emergency, Original flavor Dubble Bubble can be used to patch bicycle tubes. Even worse, they were *right next* to the Green Apple and Grape flavors at the grocery store. C’mon, people!

1. **Spider-Man “Candy Sticks.”** These are [candy cigarettes]( that were discovered in a warehouse somewhere and repackaged to be politically correct. My children actually fought over the one box we received. Since I used the distraction to steal Fun-Size Snickers from their baskets, I didn’t stop them.

1. **Atomic Fireballs.** I love the taste, but I could do without the **adamantium-coating** and the mouthful of cinnamon-flavored saliva. Give me **Red Hots** any day. I bet dentists make a fortune off these things.

1. **Chocolate coins.** Do you know what I use these for? I tell my kids that they’re real coins and buy all their Butterfingers from them.

1. **Sweet & Sour Twizzlers.** Disgusting. Mushy on the inside, rubbery on the outside, with an absolutely horrible “sour” taste that wasn’t at all sweet. I took one bite and threw away the rest. It has to be a *really* bad piece of candy for me *not* to finish eating it. I have found loose Jelly Belly jelly beans under a couch cushion, and I’m not proud of the amount of self-discipline it required to throw them away.

5 Terrible Costume Ideas

In case you haven’t had time or money to create a good Halloween costume, here are 5 terrible costume ideas that won’t require any expense or advance preparation.

1. Time Traveler from the Future. We all know that changes to the past will change the future, right? So a time traveler from the future has to be very, very careful to blend in perfectly and do nothing out of the ordinary. This costume involves dressing as yourself and doing what you normally do, except you will be very, very careful about doing it.

2. Bigfoot. Don’t let anyone see you or take a picture of you all night long.

3. Someone Else. You know those clothes you have in your closet that you never wear because they just don’t look like something you would wear? Wear them.

4. Mafia Victim. Hang out with your friends as normal, but be a little bit too talkative about sensitive information. Partway through the night, disappear without leaving a trace.

5. Movie Extra. This one is extremely difficult to pull off. Wear clothing that blends in with the crowd and make sure that all of your reactions are appropriate for the moment. When you talk to other people, say nothing except “Peas and carrots, peas and carrots.” Whatever you do, don’t upstage the leads.