10 Biblical Figures and their Olympic Sports

With the London 2012 Summer Olympics in full swing, one’s thoughts naturally turn to certain topics, such as “Would St. Paul have been better at track or fencing?”

To save you the time, I’ve assembled a helpful list of men and women from the Bible and matched them with the appropriate Olympic sport.

Gold Medalists

Let’s start with the people who would have been good at their sports.

  1. David – Hammer Throw. This seems like the most similar to using a sling, right?
  2. Samson – Weight Lifting. Too easy.
  3. Joseph – 100m Sprint. Joseph, of dreamcoat fame, was so fast that he could run out of his own clothes.
  4. Mark – 200m Sprint. Ditto. Seriously, what is up with guys in the Bible running out of their clothes?
  5. Deborah – Judo. You didn’t want to mess with Deborah. 
  6. Peter – Swimming (100m Freestyle). I don’t know how fast a Galilean boat full of fish could move, but Peter’s swimming victory still seems impressive.
  7. Miriam – Steeplechase. Staying close to your baby brother’s Nile-borne basket couldn’t have been easy.

The Runners-Up

But not everyone’s a winner in the Olympics. So here are a few less-than-triumphant competitors.

  1. King Saul – Javelin. He doesn’t seem to have been the most skilled with this weapon, which was good for David.
  2. Jonah – Diving. With everything else Jonah did wrong, the least he could have done is jumped overboard himself.
  3. Absalom – Equestrian (any event). If you can’t even ride a mule without getting your hair caught in a tree, I wouldn’t recommend dressage. Though the hats might have helped.

Do you have any suggestions to add?

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7 thoughts on “10 Biblical Figures and their Olympic Sports

  1. This is hilarious. Joshua could have led the marathon, what with walking around that wall for so long. Noah needs a sailing award, and Jacob beat an angel in a wrestling match, so I bet he’d best any human…

  2. There were 2 fencers– Ehud and then also the the Levite (who cut his concubine into 12 pieces).

    Also, Roman-Greco Wrestling — Jacob/Israel; Jacob may also qualify for 4-H events concerning animal husbandry…

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